Yesterday I had one of those days. And I felt like I didn’t know what to do or who to talk to about it. I needed a fixer.
It started with the day not having enough hours in it to begin with. So I was trying to manage my mind about feeling overwhelmed from the get go. I was feeling like I lacked capacity for where I’m at and all I handle.
All of the work spinning in my head from the day before felt like too much. And the hard situations that have been floating around me for a month haven’t resolved yet. At least in the natural realm.
Then I had the little things pile on. You know, the things that wouldn’t catch your attention if they didn’t seem to be part of a 20 car pile up. It was like I was being bitten by bad bugs all day long. Not bed bugs. Bad bugs. They’re the invisible thoughts that float and attack to try and get me to give into the ‘bad life, bad world, bad God’ paradigm. The bible calls them fiery darts, so that’s what I thing the bad bugs look like. Like a wasp with fire on its stinger. Just waiting for me to partner with hopeless, powerless interpretations of hard things.
(Just look at this guy. He's a seriously bad bug. Rubbing his little hands together in gleeful anticipation of getting me to agree with loss, lack, offense, and pain. No thanks!)
Things like the fan in the bathroom wouldn’t work for some reason.
After being connected to the charging cord overnight my computer wasn’t fully charged for whatever reason.
My internet browsers wouldn’t load once I got to work. And then when I finally got one working, after about 15 minutes, and I opened the folder with the documents I needed…
The ONE pdf I was looking to refer to for the specific work I was doing was the ONLY one that wouldn’t open. It said the file was bad. And when I went to the account where I could download a new one, it said my login was incorrect. Now I know you know what I’m talking about here. The PAIN of being told your login is wrong when you KNOW it's right!
Then the trunk of my car wouldn’t open. And I couldn’t find the tape for the box I needed to drop at UPS.
And so on. There are another 5-6 things but you get my drift and I’m not here for a complaining session. Partly because you don’t deserve that. You have enough things in your own life to deal with so you don’t need a list of mine. And partly because I woke up to some things like this still happening this morning.
So today, I’m looking back and saying, ‘What happened, and what’s my hindsight so I can know how I did it?’
This is part of my coaching tool called the Confidence CACHE. It’s an acronym, but it’s spelled like cache as in a collection of something, not cash money, because no one needs to put their confidence in that.
Confidence is the willingness to show up and try regardless of the outcome and acceptance of any emotion that comes with it. Then there’s the
Action we take, then the
Clarity we get from the action and results of that action, and the
Hindsight of how we did it, and then the resulting
Emotion of feeling ‘ready’ to do it that cycles back into more confidence to be willing to show up and keep trying, but now doing it with more information.
Think of it this way: I woke up yesterday and decided to operate from confidence- the willingness to show up and try. I didn’t know the outcome of the day yet, and didn’t know what kind of emotions I’d need to face, but I was willing.
Then I simply started taking action and trying to do what I needed and wanted to do. Then I began facing small challenges that added up to a feeling of frustration and a sense of, ‘Why is nothing working?’
In hindsight I can see that all of those things resolved themselves eventually, and they are in yesterday. They didn’t come into today with me, and that’s not because they aren’t happening today, it’s because I didn’t pull them behind me. I didn’t dwell on them while I was sleeping. I didn’t take my frustration out on others. I didn’t wake up thinking today would be horrible and I can’t handle one little thing going wrong or not working.
In hindsight I see that I was PEARLing situations throughout the day, which means I was managing my mind and emotions so I’d take helpful actions to get the results I wanted and ultimately a legacy of good fruit. In hindsight I see that those little things were just things, situations that happen to anyone and everyone, and the difference was my paradigm and emotions about them.
See in the past, old Laura would’ve handled it differently. Especially old, gluten Laura, because she would’ve been raging by noon.
(Side note: gluten is highly inflammatory and also causes my emotions to get out of control, along with joint pain, brain fog, and crazy. I’ve been gf for 10 years both for my body and my the safety of my family. There are restaurants with my polaroid at the hostess stand that says ‘do not serve’.)
In the past, old Laura would’ve taken this personally. She would’ve seen it as the world being against her, that God wasn’t paying attention today, that her family wasn’t helping her, that she had no friends in the world because if she did these things wouldn’t happen because they’d be surrounding her with the magic of their company and attention. Right? Have you ever felt like this?
That if only theeeese things were in order and happening for you, then theeeese things wouldn’t happen. But when you look at theeeese things and see that they just happen to anyone and at anytime, and realize that you have thoughts about them happening that lead you to feel either better, worse, or nothing much about them, and then YOU do things that either make the situation worse or that help you get through it, then you find that at the end of the day, you haven’t been ruled by the little things that were seeming to add up.
Only I have control over me.
I can’t control the car breaking, the computer not working, the barista, the other drivers, or the document demons attacking my purpose and passion.
I can only control my Paradigm, Emotions, Actions, and Results I choose to live from. And they all add up to a Legacy of joyful life OR despairing, hopeless life.
When I spent each day thinking I was doomed because there was hard stuff, the legacy I created in my PEARL was depression. And there were years of it. I wish I’d had the PEARL practice back then, and the knowledge that I’m not really a victim of the world around me, of other people’s actions and inactions, and of the events that have happened to me.
In hindsight, I see that I was PEARLing throughout the day so I could stay in peace. There were a few times I felt close to losing it from the frustration I felt.
When that happened, I felt the frustration rather than suppressing it so it would be lava later. I allowed the frustration to be there instead of buffering. I let it flow, and I experienced it, and I didn’t make it mean anything. I didn’t interpret the things going on as if my world was upside down and it was proof God didn’t love me anymore.
When you interpret the situation you’re in as if it’s fatal, you will feel hopeless and powerless, and then you’ll do the things hopeless, powerless people do. You’ll control, withdraw, get bitter and offended, and all the things that create results you don’t really want.
When you interpret situations as if hard things happen and you’ll get through them, that God’s banner over you is love, that He makes heavy things light, you’ll see that these are things you have to set your eyes on so that you experience peace.
Can God give you a sudden emotion of joy and hope without you trying for it? Yes. But more often than not, you’ll need to manage your own mind because He’s not in the control business. You have to:
Think about things that support your victory, not rob it
Dwell on things that grow your faith, not your fear
Take personal responsibility for what you believe and what you do with that belief
Let belief inform your daily thoughts, not just get lost in the back of your mind or in the space of ‘intelligence’ that doesn’t really have a direct line of impact on your actual paradigm. (You want to know that you know, you know?)
When you believe and think the truth, your emotions will flow from the truth, and your actions will be inspired from truth, and the results you get will be good fruit instead of bad or rotten or poisonous.
So in hindsight, I see how I made it through the day. I was not consciously deciding each time to manage myself or to PEARL what was happening each time. I was just living like a person who interprets things through a clean filter, with hope and expectancy that God is good in my life.
Don’t get me wrong. I have my pity party days, and my fits of anger days, and my ‘what the heck is wrong with this world’ days. Yesterday just wasn’t one of them. And my practice of looking back to get clarity and hindsight helped me feel encouraged that what I’m doing is working. So I thought I’d share it with you because I like to share wins and celebrations. And I call yesterday a victory.
The devil wasn’t the one I focused on and blamed for all the trials. And God wasn’t trying to punish or test me. And I was not out of God’s will or doing things I shouldn’t have been doing. And the universe wasn’t trying to get my attention.
Life was just happening. And I responded to it. From a place of peace, awareness, expectancy instead of expectation, and empowered personal responsibility. My paradigm is more informed by my intentional choices these days instead of the generational thinking and the habits and cycles I grew up with and the unhealthy, harmful, default ways I used to think. I decide what I think on, what I meditate on, what I look at, and whose eyes I look into to get truth.
So be encouraged, that God is good, He is for you, and life happens but you can change how you interpret what happens and lead yourself well. Instead of looking at what’s wrong and getting sick over it, look at Joshua 1:9...
"I repeat, be strong and brave! Do not yield to fear nor be discouraged, for I am YAHWEH your God, and I will be with you wherever you go!" Joshua 1:9 TPT
Write out some thing God has spoken to you, promises and purposes, and read them. Create a legacy statement about who you want to be, who you want to impact, and how you want to live your life, then read it daily.
I invite you to get coached on your own paradigm by either booking sessions to work with me, jumping on the waitlist for the women’s coaching club that opens this fall, or learning how to coach in the greenhouse course which will walk you through all the tools to coach both yourself and others, whether they are clients, kids, students, members of your church, or whoever you love discipling and influencing with truth.
Have a great day friends, and don’t let bad bugs bite you. Your thought life can be the best bug repellant if you’ll use it consistently.
Reader Challenge:
This week, try to identify one frustrating situation and apply the principles discussed in today’s episode. Notice how shifting your mindset can change the outcome.
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