Myth #19: If a Client Isn’t Succeeding, I’m Failing as a Coach

Today we’re talking about a myth that quietly wears down a lot of well-meaning, heart-centered coaches.

It’s this: If a client isn’t succeeding, I must be failing as a coach.

Now, let’s name this for what it is—a heavy burden. Because if you’ve ever sat across from someone who’s struggling to make progress, and you’ve thought, “What am I doing wrong?”- you’re not alone.

This is one of those lies that doesn’t come in loud and obvious. It’s subtle. It creeps in when a client ghosts you. When someone says they “need a break.” Or when a client isn’t following through and you're bending over backwards trying to re-engage them.

You start wondering:

~ Was my coaching not good enough?

~ Did I miss something?

~ Should I have given more?

~ Should I have pushed less?

And if you don’t catch that thought, it will tangle itself into your sense of identity and purpose as a coach.

Let’s pause here to shift our lens.

Biblical truth reminds us: 

We plant seeds. God brings the growth.

We don’t control transformation: we partner with it.

It’s the same in coaching. We get to steward the space. Offer tools. Hold vision. Reflect truth. But the client is the one who has to take the step. They have to make the move. They have to choose to use the tools you offer them.

I’ve worked with some clients who were very smart, highly driven, and definitely called to be great coaches. But session after session, they show up saying they hadn’t done what we talked about in the last session that was their action plan for moving the needle. In hindsight I know this is just normal and I always try to respond with curiosity and grace. But in the early years of coaching this would have allowed little doubts to creep in like…

• Maybe I’m not the right coach for her or she doesn’t really like me as a person or my coaching style.

• Maybe I didn’t make the right suggestions even though she responded like they were what she wanted.

• Maybe I should help with her mindset more before we move forward into the action plan she thought she was ready for.

I would pray. I would re-evaluate. I would tweak my approach. And still, with certain clients, there was no change.

One of my clients paused coaching which left me with an ache in my gut…

What could I have done differently?

I think this is definitely an obvious question to ask, but not a burden to place on yourself.

Months later, the client that canceled reached back out.

She said, “It wasn’t you. I wasn’t ready. But your voice stuck with me. And when I was finally ready, I remembered what we talked about—and I started. I’m in a totally different place now. Thank you.”

See? Seeds and seasons.

We don’t always get to see the fruit. But that doesn’t mean it’s not growing under the surface.

Here’s the truth: You are not responsible for your client’s results.

You are responsible for your presence. Your integrity. Your preparation. Your commitment to grow and listen and show up well.

But you’re not responsible for what they choose to do with the session, the tools, or the insight.

That belongs to them.

In fact, if you try to carry their responsibility—you rob them of their growth. You become the gardener digging up the seed every two days wondering why it hasn’t sprouted.

Your job is to trust the process. Keep showing up. Keep offering good coaching. Keep pointing them back to the truth that they are not helpless. They are not broken. They are capable of change.

• Even if they don’t act on it right away.

• Even if they circle the same mountain longer than you wish.

• Even if their progress doesn’t match your hopes.

Sometimes coaching isn’t about forward motion. Sometimes it’s about creating a space that’s safe enough for someone to finally tell the truth. Or cry. Or get still enough to hear God again.

That matters.

So here’s what I want you to do this week—because this myth is sneaky and sometimes you need to look it straight in the face.

LISTENER CHALLENGE:

Take five minutes to reflect on one client success story and write it down. Let it ground you in what’s true about your coaching and your impact.

It doesn’t have to be dramatic. It could be an 'Aha!' moment where someone said, “Wow, I never thought of it that way,” or “This session helped me breathe again.”

Write it down. Reread it. Let it remind you of the impact you’ve already made—and the part that’s yours to carry.

Then release anything you’ve been carrying that was never yours to hold.

Because fruit comes in season. And your job isn’t to force it.

Your job is to be faithful and steward your calling to coach well.

You've got this friend.