We all heard the motto at some point of this year giving us 20/20 vision, right?
Then suddenly all the fans stopped spinning because some stuff hit them and it got in our eyes and messed with that perfect vision.
And many of us stopped right alongside the fans because that stuff hit us too.
It wasn’t just the ‘Rona for me and my people. It was so many things.
We started the year by going on a cruise that was blissfully gifted to us. In fact we boarded a 17 deck cruise ship that can hold up to around 8000 staff and guests on it at the same time the cruise ship in Italy was quarantined in it’s port.
Why did we get on that big boat with all those potentially sick people? I still can’t tell you. I suppose it was just that We. Did. Not. Know. Yet.
Wowzers. Geewiz, kid. I didn't know that much hand sanitizer existed in the world. Pretty sure they had to limit passenger suitcases to be able to bear the weight of it all.
We came home (not sick) with intentions set on grand things. Personally I had hoped to really launch my coaching business in a big way and “quickly” finish my enneagram coach certification. I was enjoying writing and working with others to help them in their process as well. I felt I knew what was coming and I was partnering to make it happen.
Then some crazy things happened in life, one of them being that we moved out of state again, leaving behind all that we’ve known for the past five years. Once again heading into territory that we are familiar with (18th move) but it was full of questions, loneliness, hard work and stress.
We put an offer in on a house without seeing how it would all come together.
Three days after the offer was accepted, my husband was out of town and caught the ‘Rona in the air. He was alone and quarantined for three weeks during what was to him the second most traumatic thing he’s gone through (the first was being a responder at Ground Zero starting on day 2).
So I packed and bought a house 'all by my lonesome', as my living-in-heaven-mom would've said. By the time he was able to come home, he had to do the heavy lifting side of moving and we had to make the cross state trek a few times to get all. the. million. things. moved. And then came his two month long 'Rona recovery.
I bless my husband. He's amazing.
No one else I know could do what he's done to hold us all together this year.
Suffice it to say that with a pandemic, riots, protests, politics, fear, worry, physical trauma, transition, emotional loss and literally just doing a lot of life alone, we are all exhausted.
And I know you are too, my friend.
So here are my questions to you:
*Are you done being a fan that’s not spinning? Not moving?
*Are you ready to wipe that nasty stuff out of your eyes and hit the reset button?
*Is your heart aching to be spinning in the right direction again?
It has been hard to keep going at times, maybe a majority of the time, but give yourself some grace and self-compassion. And I want to tell you something:
“Shame and loss are not your portion.”
A lot of us stopped. And it was a normal, human reaction to a crisis none of us had ever faced before. You will make it through this.
And it won’t be the last new crisis you ever face either. But we can and will move forward.
Think back: Where were you mentally, emotionally, and spiritually at the beginning of 2020?What were your hopes for this year? Have you allowed yourself to recognize them and then sit back and grieve the loss of all that did not come to pass?
My doula told me a wonderful thing during my first birthing experience. She said,
“The only way to the end of the pain is to go through it.”
You must allow yourself to process what you’ve experience. Your body needs the outlet as much as your mind and heart do. Your body holds and remembers emotional pain and trauma and even after the crisis or conflict has passed, your emotions are how your feelings are flushed out. Your emotions need your body as an outlet. I'm going to give you some things to process and then I encourage you to sit with it all and find time to let it all out in your own way.
A Call to ACTION! (read this to understand more about it)
I encourage you to write this down, but I know some of you will only read through and think on it. Writing will give you the process to look back on so you can really process everything without missing something important.
Awareness- What and who did you lose this year due to crisis, chaos and all other general life issues?
Choice- What came from the loss that you didn’t see coming but can look back now and recognize? The hard stuff and the good stuff. Are you going to make the choice to lean into hope or will you become or remain offended at how 2020 turned out? This happened to you, but what is your response going to be? Get honest, and after you’re honest, lay out what you’d like to be able to choose instead if your honesty isn’t going to take you down a path you’d like.
Thankfulness- What can you be thankful for, even if you don’t feel like it? This is your key action. Think on how this season of cray-cray can actually be a blessing. Maybe, like me, you got more time to stare at the backyard and discovered robins are actually pretty if you give them a chance. Sometimes even loss turns out to be a blessing, we just can’t see it for awhile.
Inner Hope- What does God say about your loss? What are His promises to you? Stop and take a moment to ask Him. Break the lies you’ve been telling yourself and list some things that would be good for you to meditate on, think about and begin to live out of.
Operation- How do you need to grieve what you’ve lost? How can you use what you’ve learned in your near future? Distant future? What are the steps you need to take to change the habits you’ve fallen into?
Next!- What are the things you’d like to get spinning on again? Or maybe you realize there’s something new to do? List them all.
To answer the post title's question: No, we aren't there yet. But we are moving forward.
Friends, allow yourself some time to process all of this.
No pressure, just one day at a time still.
I encourage you to find ways to get inspired. COMMIT to read something each morning that reminds you your heart is still beating, your minds still works, and your body is still able to get you through the day. DECIDE to produce and not just consume. And put post-its everywhere to remind yourself to be grateful.
Your dreams are still fully alive and will come to pass!
Everything is possible and everything is figureoutable.
Becoming wholehearted with you,