What Coaching Is and Isn’t

So what is coaching, really?

It’s extending a hand to someone and saying, “I’ll walk with you.” It’s noticing the places where growth is possible and helping them find their next right step.

It’s not giving them your roadmap and telling them what you did and expecting it to work the same way for them. And it’s definitely not just a workbook they have to fill out alone while you cheer from the sidelines.

Coaching is personal, high-touch, and individual.

And it starts with being fully present.

A life coach is someone who sees the gold in you, sometimes before you can. Who holds space for your process without rushing it. Who knows how to ask questions that unlock doors. Who helps you get clear about where you’re going and walks with you toward it. They help you become who you already are—but maybe forgot how to see.

Now, mentoring and consulting are a little different.

Mentoring says, “Here’s what I’ve walked through- let me give you what I’ve got.”

Coaching says, “You already have something in you- let’s draw it out.”

Consulting says, "Here's what you should do."

Coaching says, "What do you think you should do."

What I do is often a blend. I wear multiple hats, depending on what’s needed and what the client is looking for. If you want help in areas I’ve lived- parenting, ministry, homeschooling, rebuilding after a move (or 19 of them), I can mentor you with what I’ve learned. I’ll share tools, stories, and wisdom. But I’ll also shift us back into coaching, because at some point, your life isn’t mine. And the goal is always ownership.

Now sometimes, a client wants to do something you’ve never done before. Write a bestseller. Launch a retreat center. Heal from a type of loss you haven’t personally lived. That’s where pure coaching shines. You don’t need to have their exact experience to help you move forward. You have tools and training. You know how to help clients find clarity, remove the blockers, map a plan, and stay accountable as they walk it out.

And when it’s time for a challenge, you can bring it. Not with pressure, but with purpose. You'll help them name what’s really going on and discern the path that’s most aligned for them.

A coach is a partner on the journey. Whether your client wants to lose weight, write a book, restore a relationship, or build a business, you don’t have to be the answer. You just need to help them find theirs.

I like to think of it like Legos. I lay out the coaching pieces I’ve got- clarity tools, reflection questions, mindset frameworks, listening practices- and the client decides which ones fit the foundation they’re building. Some will click right in. Some might need to be reshaped. Some they’ll use later.

There’s no wrong way. Your path into coaching is your own. I use all of it- teaching, coaching, mentoring, consulting depending on the need. In my content, I get to weave all of that in. But if you were sitting across from me as a client, you’d be doing most of the talking. Because coaching starts with listening. And the best tools in a coach’s pocket usually look like a question. Not just any question, but the one that’s right for right now.

Coaching, to me, is modern-day discipleship. Not in a rigid church format, but in the real, relational, “let’s walk together” kind of way. In traditional settings, discipleship might mean a class or a course or a one-way teaching.

But coaching is like a dinner reservation someone makes on purpose. They’re hungry. They want change. And you get to serve them something that’s been made just for their season.

Some of you will work with fellow believers. Others will coach in corporate spaces or the online marketplace. Everything we do here is useful inside and outside the walls of faith. I want you to know: being a Christian is about relationship, not religious performance. Every client I work with knows that I love Jesus. Some want prayer. Others don’t. And that’s okay. My light still shines. My posture of love doesn’t change.

I think coaching is a really special space, a kind of set-apart relationship where someone is invited to think, feel, notice, and take ownership in a way that very few environments and relationships allow.

It’s a relationship built on trust, presence, curiosity, and intentional growth. It’s less about what you teach and more about how you see someone.

In coaching, we don’t lead with advice. We don’t try to fix or rescue. We don’t center ourselves as the expert. Instead, we hold space for someone to become more aware, more alive, and more aligned with who they really are.

Coaching as an act of witnessing and inviting.

You witness the person’s reality, without judgment.

You invite them into deeper truth, without pressure.

And yes, it often looks like listening deeply. Asking powerful questions. Reflecting what you see. But it’s more than a skill set. It’s a posture.

It’s presence over performance. It’s humility over hustle. It’s curiosity over control.

And always remember that coaching is not therapy. Therapists are trained to diagnose, treat, and support people in emotional crisis or deep trauma. Coaches don’t diagnose, we discern. We don’t treat, we walk with. We focus on the present and future, not the pathology of the past.

But coaching says, “What do you believe? What do you want? What’s in the way? And what’s one next step that feels right for you?”

It’s not about offering the answers, it’s about helping someone access the wisdom they already carry.

And when you start coaching this way? Everything changes. You stop feeling like an imposter because you’re not trying to impress. You stop over-prepping because you trust the process. You stop rushing results because you honor the person’s pace.

Coaching is a powerful process. And I think knowing that makes the difference. When we think of power we think of a BOOM! or a major moment of AHA! but we need to see that the booms and ahas arrive inside of a slow process.

And when it’s done well, it changes lives, not just for the client, but for the coach too.

When I coach someone and I see the lights come on in their eyes? When they finally hear themselves say the truth out loud? When they take ownership of their story?

That moment reminds me why I started coaching. And it keeps me going when everything else feels noisy, hard, overwhelming, and when it feels like nothing is working and nobody is listening.

So if you’re sitting there wondering, “Am I even doing this right?” Let me ask you this:

Are you present?

Are you listening with love and curiosity?

Are you willing to walk with someone instead of rushing them to solutions?

If yes, then you’re coaching. You may still be learning tools and language and structure- and that’s good. But you’re already doing the deeper work.

This week’s challenge is simple: Ask someone, “What do you think coaching is?” Then reflect on how you’d explain it differently now. Not with a pitch or a program name, but with heart.

This is how I live out the Great Commission, one story at a time. One person at a time. Using the tools God has put in my hands. And now, I want to help you do the same.

And if this stirred something in you? You might just be the kind of coach the world needs most. Stay with me because we are going to keep talking about all the foundations of coaching and how to know if you’re called to coach.

Spoiler: if you’re reading this…you probably already are.